I had one of those moments the other day that was heart wrenching, but later became encouraging.
I had finished a long afternoon of attempting to help an 8-year-old learn phonics and spelling, thereby wearing down my patience. Something happened which caused me to raise my voice to my son. I said “I wish you would…..” I don’t even remember what it was.
It was my son’s response which was the dagger to my heart.
“I wish you wouldn’t yell at me so much.”
I immediately apologized, repented, and told my son he was right. Daddy did yell too often and I wanted to change. Later that night we had a great time of praying together for each other.
A day or two later, I had a revelation.
I had failed as a father by yelling at my kids and needed to grow. No new epiphanies here. I knew this already through my repeated shortcomings.
I realized my growth in grace.
I received a dagger to the heart and did not proceed to beat myself up, wallowing in self-pity.
Sure I had a few fleeting thoughts about how horrible a dad I was. But these thoughts truly were fleeting. Rather than wallowing in failure and self-pity, I turned my eyes to God asking Him for help.
I am growing in grace.
I don’t have to be a perfect, superhero father.
The messages I have been proclaiming for years are finally starting to change me in my most fragile places.
Confession: I yell at my kids too much.
Revelation: I am growing in grace when I fail and turning to the source of Grace to help me grow and change.
Hope: Through God’s strength, I will see change and yell at my kids much, much less.
Titus 2:11-12 tells us grace trains us. “For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age.”
I want to live relying and trusting in the same God who saved me, believing he can change me. Grace is an active force in my life, equipping me to live a godly life.
Lord, change my heart. Help me so that I yell at my kids less.
But thank you for helping me to accept your grace more when I fail.
I am not a superhero.
Disclaimer: I am in no way advocating yelling at your kids, I am merely sharing the journey of a broken father in need of grace.