Leadership
6 Ways to Overcome Hurt from Leaders
I have recently been writing about good leadership in my series "United We Move: Creating a Team Culture." Much of what is learned in leadership comes from personal mistakes, as well as lessons learned from the mistakes of other leaders.
This is true in my own story.
I was hurt by leadership early in my missions career. There were issues of control, manipulation, and a very works oriented mentality. The smallest mistake was treated as massive, leading to feeling as if you disappointed the leaders. Perfectionism was modeled, grace was not.
During these years I had to contend with tribalism, accusation, character attacks, and many other wretched things people do to each other. At one point, I was even advised to engage in illegal activities by a senior leader in the organization!
I would like to share several tips which have helped me journey out of the pain. These tips will help you regain health and succeed as a leader.
Here are 6 remedies for recovery:
1. Taste something different
Realization and healing often begins by seeing something different. Go to another church, serve in another ministry, or align yourself with someone who leads in a different style. Healthy leadership reveals unhealthy traits and points you in a good direction.
2. Seek Good leaders
This is very closely linked to the first one. These leaders can be in the flesh as well as through podcasts, teachings, and various friendships.
I credit one leader with saving my career in missions. During my period of turmoil, I phoned him; asking if this style of leadership was rampant in our organization. He did not engage in a debate or defense of the hurtful leaders, rather spending time describing how he led his region. Hearing a healthy leaders perspective gave me hope, keeping me in the game when I was tempted to quit missions.
3. Give yourself time and grace to process
Overcoming disappointment and hurt is a journey which takes time. Time is the great healer and bringer of perspective. My path led me to step out of leadership for a season to process. I would strongly advise speaking to a counselor during this time of seeking answers.
4. Get back into leadership yourself
Once you have had sufficient time to process, it is time to get back on the horse. I have met many people who say, "I will never be a leader again." This is their hurt and pain speaking. Avoid words like "never" or "always."
I have walked this journey with a friend recently. Little by little as he healed, he accepted responsibility and leadership again. With each step, he embraced his return and calling again.
We do not want to allow our hurt and pain to compromise the call of God on our lives.
5. Be honest with your mistakes
Rarely is the blame entirely on the hurtful leaders. I call this the 1% principle. Even if you see yourself as erring in 1% of the problem, we must own our 1%. Of course we want the other person to respond to the 99%. But reality is, they may never own their mistakes. Our concern is not their response, but ours. We are responsible for our part of the problem. Doing so aids in our recovery.
6. Forgive
This may be the most important. Do not allow lack of forgiveness to taint you and your future leadership. We likely will not be the ones to bring correction to those who wounded us. We must forgive.
The truth of the matter is: but for the grace of God, so go we. We will find ourselves in similar situations or worse without keeping our eyes on God and remaining in a place of teachability.
We must forgive and forget the offense.
We never forget the lessons we've learned. They can inspire and guide us for the rest of our lives as a leader.
Are there any other tips you would share to overcome hurt in leadership?
Photo by Make Studio | Marty Coleman on CC by Flckr.
Does a Lack of Vision Cause Death?
"Without a vision, the people perish." (Proverbs 29:18) This verse is often quoted as inspiration to have faith or to dream. But, do people really die without one?
As we explore building a team culture through our series called "United We Move", the first step in our journey is vision.
Vision is essential to moving a group forward. This is common sense. You cannot move a group somewhere unless you know where you are going. On this journey, there a few common mistakes which are made in the area of vision.
Mistake #1. Too Small
The vision needs to be big enough to inspire people to dream. If there is no difficulty in obtaining the vision, it is too small. A vision must be bigger than yourself or the others involved. There should be risk involved as well as the potential to fail. This is the part that requires faith. If no faith is required, you do not have a vision, you have a project.
People want to be apart of something bigger than themselves. The greatest recruiting tool we have employed in Africa is to cast the vision. People commit to causes and a desire to a part of something they could not accomplish on their own.
Our ministry in Africa seeks to be a hub for Biblical Training in Africa. This is broad. This is sellable. If I recruit people to one of our projects, a Bible school, that is not as appealing. A vision is so much bigger than our own abilities to accomplish it.
Mistake #2. Lack of Visibility
Bill Hybels says that vision needs to be restated or reminded once every 30 days.
This can be done through a number of vehicles. Have a mission statement. A clear concise statement of where you are going. Put it in the bulletins, recite it as a fun exercise, or paint it on the wall. Whatever you do, keep the vision before the people.
Did you ever wonder why the Bible repeats itself so much? It is because we are a stupid, forgetful people. Never underestimate the value of recasting the vision.
Mistake #3. Too General
A vision needs to be measurable, or it needs to inspire specific, measurable steps so people can see progress.
A vision of a small group to meet and study the Bible is too general. What about defining certain books to study? What about setting a goal to multiply the group? The cell group could rally around personal growth; measuring it through setting goals and having periods of evaluation.
Our team has long term goals for 5 to 10 years, but each year we go through a process of evaluation and assessment. This provides opportunities to make sure we are on track.
Mistake #4. Lack of Connection
One of the most important jobs of a leader is to navigate and remind people of how the details fit into the big picture. We must show how smaller goals lead the group closer to the vision.
This works in a family as well. In the fantastic book,The Three Big Questions for a Frantic Family
My greatest job as a leader is to keep the plot in mind. Where are we heading? How will small decisions affect the long term?
Too often as leaders we mortgage the long term for short term, temporal comfort and ease. Keeping the vision in mind, helps us to make hard decisions.
So do people literally dies without a vision? Perhaps.
You and I have heard of people losing the will to live. The same concept could be communicated with other words.
Without a vision, people become bored.
Without a vision, people become lazy.
Without a vision, people lose interest.
Without a vision, people only dream as big as themselves.
To take a group of people somewhere, the vision must be:
- Big
- Kept before the people
- Specific and Measurable
- Connected to smaller goals, projects, and campaigns
Vision creates continuity, cooperation and cohesion. Vision takes people places.
What other mistakes have you made in regards to setting the vision for a group?
Photo courtesy of CC by Flckr by vestman
United We Move - Building a Team Culture
Today on NoSuperHeroes, we begin a series on team building called "United We Move". The tools we explore will help leaders in a variety of settings to rally people toward a common goal.
These principles can impact people in the following arenas:
Churches
Leadership Boards
Families
Small Groups
Missions Organizations
Newly Married Couples
Youth Group Fundraisers
Parent Teacher Organizations (PTO)
Church Planters
and more!
Let me begin with a story of the journey I am currently apart of.
We moved to South Africa in 2006 and inherited a program which had seen success in the past. Over the last few years, numbers were down and influence was waning. The team was in a leadership transition with the director stepping out for health reasons. I stepped into leadership with a team comprising of one full-time workers coupled with a part-timer. The atmosphere was one of survival, and it was reflected in their prayers.
Fortunately I was building on a foundation of years of effort and endeavor. I was not starting from scratch, although in certain situations (like churches), pioneering can be easier than re-pioneering.
The principles we will explore in this series are foundational elements which have served to grow this project over the last six years.
We never want to replicate models, but rather look to principles or skills. These are tools that translate into moving our own group of people towards their specific goal.
Through these guiding tenants, and of course the grace of God; we have seen tremendous growth and impact in the nation of South Africa
Today our team includes 21 full time workers from 11 nations. Another 11 saints will be joining us over the next six months. We have planted works in other nations, expanded our ministries and influence in and around the city of Cape Town, while developing a strong base with our parent organization.
People routinely ask how we did this.
The goal of this series is not to promote a model or method. Rather, I desire to explore several key elements, which coupled with the grace of God, led to our success.
In this series we will examine and evaluate the the building blocks of team culture through:
Vision
Values and Culture
The Creation of a Team Environment
The Makeup of your Team
The Growth of your Team
The Health of your Team
and even a few side trips along the way.
These principles work in a team as small as a family
So stay tuned, and enjoy the ride!
I hope to see many of you closer to achieving goals in your family, team, or organization as a result.
What group of people are you apart of where these tools maybe be helpful? Please share and I will attempt to gear some examples to your situation.
Photo courtesy of stevendepolo on Creative Commons by Flckr.
Add a commentSlow Down to Speed Up
Society would tell us achievement is based on doing more. God says the opposite.
I recently returned from a family holiday, camping in a beautiful South African river valley. There was no cell phone service, so we were completely unplugged. We had a wonderful four days of rest and relaxation as a family without the constant buzzing of our phones to drag our thoughts back to work and ministry.
We left work right in the middle of a very key decision for our campus. Being out of reach forced us to delegate, trust others and God, and leave our cares behind.
God gave a similar piece of advice to Israel. Ok, let's call it like it is. He gave them a commandment in a list that defines sin! God told Israel to honor the Sabbath day and keep it holy (Exodus 20:8-11).
This command is the most surprising of the list, the one modern believers often feel at liberty to disobey. The penalty in the Old Testament for breaking the Sabbath was death (Exodus 31:15).
Really? Death for not taking a day off? Not resting put in the same category as adultery or murder? We would never feel the freedom to not keep those commandment, why do we feel released from this one?
God modeled this commandment in Genesis when He rested on the seventh day, some rabbis suggest He may have created rest, peace, and solitude itself on that seventh day
The heart of the matter is one of trust. By honoring the Sabbath, we declare that God is our source, that God will help us to do in six days what we believe we need seven for.
If God is our reality, we can and should rest. God says it is sin if we do not. At its essence, the sin comes when we declare we do not trust in God as our source and sufficiency.
When we emerged to the world of connectivity, the key decision was made, the deal was done. God had done it, others had stepped up, and the work of the ministry had moved forward; all without us!
Society says hard work brings success. God values commitment and effort. But His ways suggest a rhythm of life. Each week, each season, each year; needs to include times of rest.
God says we speed up by slowing down.
Juliet Schor, in her book, The Overworked American: The Unexpected Decline Of Leisure,
God says we should trust Him, not our own ability to accomplish the task. When we do this, delegating along the way, it forces us to trust others as well.
I vividly remember an incident early in my missions life. I mentioned to a friend I was preparing to speak on rest. He mocked me saying, "You are going to teach missionaries about rest!"
I changed my message out of peer pressure. Missionaries were likely some who needed it the most.
Rest is an essential discipline of the Christian life, just like Bible Reading or prayer.
God says not doing it is sin. (His words not mine)
At its root, not resting is trusting ourselves over our Creator that made us with a need to slow down.
What practices do you employ to slow down so you can speed up?
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Is it a Marathon or a Sprint?
Which one of these statements describes your life? Is it a:
- Marathon or a sprint?
- Drive through coffee or waiting for it to brew?
- Sit down restaurant or fast food?
- An Atm or walking in and seeing the bank teller?
Perhaps the harder question to answer would be, is it :
One good, record setting season or a lengthy, consistent, high performing, championship career?
I've been reading Jim Collins's book, Great by Choice: Uncertainty, Chaos, and Luck--Why Some Thrive Despite Them All
Malcolm Gladwell, in his book Outliers: The Story of Success, 
Recently I was interviewed in Life Overseas, the blog of Laura Parker. She asked: What is the biggest mistake new missionaries make during their first year on the field? My answer was: "Missionaries often attempt to hit the ground running rather than taking time to plant roots and build relationships. Many things start fast, but fizzle out quickly. Start with an attitude of “what can be learned” rather than “what can I give.”
The longer I have been at this thing called missions, I see that slow and steady wins the race. I may have a few flash in the pan, newsletter headlines along the way. But the goal is to see something outlast me.
This takes time.
A friend of mine recently consoled me about my increasing age by saying, "40's is when you do something." I think he is on to something. In our 20's we explore and investigate. In our 30's we choose a path and start to gain some skills. Finally, after all the preparation, we are ready to do something; something significant that God has for us.
God is very much one who thinks for the long term.
In Deuteronomy 20:19-20, God tells the Israelites to go in and possess the land. These people have seen the miraculous deliverance of God many times in their lives. They may be thinking He will just wipe out their enemies. Look instead what He says:
"When you besiege a city for a long time, making war against it in order to take it, you shall not destroy its trees by wielding an axe against them. You may eat from them, but you shall not cut them down. Are the trees in the field human, that they should be besieged by you? Only the trees that you know are not trees for food you may destroy and cut down, that you may build siege works against the city that makes war with you, until it falls."
Is God really this concerned about the trees?
No, He is concerned with the future.
It would be much easier to wipe out all the trees as they capture the city. God, who knows the future, sees they will be hungry and these fruit trees will be of benefit to them. Something which slows them down in the present, becomes a blessing in the future.
God is the God of the supernatural, but he often chooses to walk with us in the journey.
Will your journey be a sprint; full of eye catching headlines, with nothing lasting to show?
Or, will you pursue steady progress, content with a gradual forward movement, over your lifetime? As we do this, we leave behind a legacy for the generations after us.
Life is a marathon. Let's run faithfully and consistently. Let's strive for high performance over our career rather than "one great year."
God is patient. Are we?
Photo: by mattsches at Creative Commons by Flckr.
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