“Often when it matters most we tend to do our worst.”
Joseph Grenney, the author of [amazon_link id=”B005K0AYH4″ target=”_blank” ]Crucial Conversations Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High[/amazon_link], spoke recently at the Global Leadership Summit.
He suggests we ask ourselves what crucial conversation we are not holding or not holding well. When a conflict arises or a tough situation presents itself, how do we move through those conversations?
– At work do we tip-toe around certain people or issues rather than dealing with them in love?
– In marriage, are areas of finances, sex, or the in-laws out-of-bounds?
– With our children, do certain subjects always end up in frustration or arguments?
“We will either talk these things out or we will act it out.”
We have all seen when there is a monkey in the room which never is discussed. We end up acting on this, making things worse.
Why is it so hard to have this type of honesty?
“At a young age we believe the myth that we must choose between telling the truth and keeping a friend. “, Grenney says.
Honesty done the right way can actually build greater unity, rather than destroy it. Jesus alluded to this when he said, “Where two or more are gathered, anything they ask in my name will be done.” This gathering was in the context of resolving conflict.(Matthew 18)
Grenney illustrated this by saying, “You can measure the health of a team by measuring the number of “un-discuss-ables.”
He gives 2 tips when you are in a crucial moment to help you be heard:
– Link to mutual purpose – “You know I care about your concerns.”
– Mutual respect – “You know I care about you.”
Demonstrating you are on their side will help them to hear your heart. Greely illustrates this so well in the following quote.
“Engaging in candor is never the problem. People are defensive because of why they think you are saying it, not what you are saying.”
And at the end of the day, if you really don’t want to have these conversations, Joseph offers some advice.
“The best way to have less crucial conversations is to have a meaningless life.”
None of us want that….so the cost is being willing to discuss the monkey’s in the room.
What crucial conversation need to take mp
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